CocoLion

59 Comments

• RoseandJoan replied 11 years ago
  I know you have come to the forum looking for further insight but I just wanted to say that I trust your judgement implicitly. You know your body, you know the parts of your body which are showing signs of age and most importantly you know your style.
  
  I like your musings about anything too...too cute, too rock, too distressed, too classic are not what your style is about. Your trends are tempered by an easy elegance which is acquired with age and ensures you continue to look both fresh and appropriate.
  
  Therefore you may choose  to replace camo with army surplus wear or even a subtler version of the print in the same way you discounted sweatshirts of the cute variety.
  
  Great thread Denise.
• Caro in Oz replied 11 years ago
  This is so interesting Denise & I must admit to judging women in their 40s & beyond who wear the types of clothing in your left behind list. It smacks of some kind of insecurity or lack of awareness imo. Having said that I defend their right to wear whatever they want but I personally don't find it attractive. 
  
  I agree it is liberating to let go of anything that doesn't work for you as an individual. 
  
  
• replied 11 years ago
  I'm going to be 50 next year, so for me thats a big milestone. I know that 5 years can make a difference, but there are so many factors to take into consideration; from how we age, what confidence we have and body shape or body hang-ups. I guess the way to embrace some very fashion forward styles is in a more subtle way. I think as RoseandJoan said we trust your judgement. You are an intelligent lady and an innate sense of what feels right is probably just bubbling under the surface. I think you will find *your* way (with a bit of help from YLF). A lot of the items in your lists are probably what you are leaving behind due to your style evolving and not necessarily connected to age, though I know age is a massive factor; Our mindset changes too.
  I don't think I am eloquent enough to say much more so I'll leave it there, though I'm going to pop back to read what others think.
• lyn67 replied 11 years ago
  IMHO it's not only about age, but about how you are aging (fitness, grooming etc.) and what you are doing at that age-so your style has to fit your integral person you are now, not the earlier you were  or the further ahead you'll be. 
  I also don't like to "speak only" about clothes...it has to be seen together with the wearer, and then judged!
  
• Lyn D. replied 11 years ago
  Hmmm, Denise, I also think your question marks could just be style evolution, mainly unrelated to age appropriateness.
  Your eye seems to be very fine-tuned to on trend, and your fashion knowledge is really excellent!
  I would keep trusting your instincts, and ignore the numbers.
• Glory replied 11 years ago
  This is an interesting thread which I will be watching. I feel very much in the same place and often ask if an item is age appropriate. I also understand that the classics you mention may not really work for your lifestyle. There often feels, at least to me, that the inbetween ground is murky and more casual can quickly go frumpy. I am keeping an eye on your list and will be following. 
• jenanded replied 11 years ago
  HI Denise, first off I had to say I was totally amazed at the birthday you mention after seeing your photos so please take that as an endorsement of how fantastic I think you always look and reflects your style. Being able to write this list is a major step in the whole process I guess and somehow one needs to keep being reflective more often - a lot happens in the 3-5 years around this time...  I was just reading another blog  sort of around this question(even though they lumped together anyone past 40) but the insight that I thought was interesting was to have scarves (and perhaps some other accessories) in the more out there (if that is the term so I use it loosely) patterns and trends in expensive versions. Perhaps that is how you could work in at least the camo and I already thought you rocked the neons that you love. So as others say, trust your instinct as its pretty nicely honed and the forum becomes a nice place to bounce ideas around.
• Jaime replied 11 years ago
  I agree that it is wrong to say over 40 as if there is no difference between 40 and 90 and everything in between. That said, I think it is more helpful to think of your style evolution as taking into account different things - your age and how your aging, but also what is current and what is dated, how you feel about yourself and how you want to present yourself and so on. I do not like bodycon looks for myself now but I didn't like them at 20 either. I did wear mini-skirts that I would not wear now, but I have seen women older than me look great in mini-skirts. I like your list of what you still like, I just think it is a Denise (who is now 54) list rather than a generic woman at 54 list. Hope that makes sense.
• Raisin replied 11 years ago
  It's true that it's not only about age.  I have to say whenever I see you WIW posts, I love your style, and I never once think you dress inappropriate for your age.  You always look great, a little rock, but totally appropriate.   You have the figure, style and confidence to pull off most any look you'd want to wear!
• Vildy replied 11 years ago
  I always think newness is the pivot point. If a person is wearing garments that are trending fast with the young but hers are clearly worn in, then it looks like fashion has finally begun catching up with how smart she was originally or her enduring style. However an older person who is wearing shiny brand new trend items looks like she's running hard to stay in place and isn't smart enough yet to think for herself. It's all about having the wisdom and self-respect and life experience to avoid looking so spineless that you're blown over by every breeze.
  
• Janet replied 11 years ago
  Denise, I'm reading this with much interest because I love your style, I share a casual lifestyle, and I'm not far behind you in age (turning 48 this year). As someone who shares a rock'n'roll aesthetic, I try to stay very aware of maintaining an element of sophistication in my outfits to keep my looks for skewing too young, and I think this is something you do very well. 
  
  I agree with all of your left-behind items. A lot of your question mark items make me think not just of age-appropriateness but style evolution. I think many of those things are trends or ideas that you or I or anyone could dip a toe into but be careful of taking it to the extreme. Once again, I think the devil is in the details, and sophistication is the benchmark that keeps the trend looking appropriate (whether for age or situation). I had a moment of doubt about the wisdom of studded high-top sneakers for a woman pushing 50 when I put on the Fryes I posted earlier this week, but quickly realized that the details of the shoe -- the non-blingy flat studs, the rich leather, the versatile color -- make the look work for me and my style. I feel awesome in them! 
  
  That said, I had a rueful chuckle at your comment about necklaces. I have also been noticing my neck an awful lot lately, and I think my necklaces will be getting longer to help move the focus away from that area. ;-) But then again, I've been out in the desert for the last 2+ weeks, which always makes my skin look about 10 years older!
  
  
  
• Ingunn replied 11 years ago
  Denise, I can't imagine you in only classics. You ARE a trendy person, and it suits you perfectly. Please don't leave behind your skinnies and distressed denims just yet. Never once has it crossed my mind that your outfits are not age appropriate. I read your lists with interest, and I don't think you need anyone to tell you anything more about this. You have a pretty clear vision, and the way you are able to verbalize it is impressive. 55 is but a number, one must also take into consideration lifestyle, shape etc. You know this, of course. However, I think you are among the gifted ones that can keep on and on, wearing almost anything you like and still look good, just the way you probably have done all your life, you beautiful creature.
• Peri replied 11 years ago
  I'm 53 and agree with most of what you say. Not sure about the no backpacks though...if you like them, why not? 
  
  I think that's the hardest thing about our age. I used to wonder, is it in style, does its look good on me, do I like it? If yes, then it was mine. Now I have to add...am I allowed to wear it? And that question carries more doubt, and is harder to answer, than the first three combined. 
  
  No wonder I'm having such a hard time purging and shopping! Glad we can all help each other!
• sarah replied 11 years ago
  Denise, this is such a thoughtful post. I love it. And it's so personal and true-to-you, as these decisions must be. Just curious - what does it mean to wear a fashion sweatshirt "without the cute factor"? Does that mean that the sweatshirt can't be cute?
• Suz replied 11 years ago
  Denise, thank you for posting this. As somebody who is your age, I identify with your desire to keep it real. And I love the detail you've provided here -- not only a list, but visuals. (Of course I got lost in your pin board and started pinning looks I liked...hoping they are not age-inappropriate!) 
  
  I agree with those who say that you look amazing (for any age), that your style is consistent and you always look appropriate to your circumstances (whether that's a day at the ranch or a San Francisco visit), that you maintain that bit of rocker edge without ever seeming harsh, over-the-top, or ridiculous. That you look fab, in short!! 
  
  But, but. but....I also understand your wish to refine, or maybe define what you are up to at this leg of your style journey. And to consider the role that aging will play in your choices. True, age may not be the only factor involved in this style evolution, but it is one of them, and I agree that 55 seems like a transition somehow. 
  
  Maybe those of us who live a casual lifestyle feel this more than those who work in offices. Most casual clothes naturally skew "young" and it may be more difficult to avoid mutton-dressed-as-lamb looks if we don't want to go the route of downright frumpdom as in head-to-toe LL Bean catalogue. If a woman is wearing the classics -- a shirt, a blazer -- she will look good at any age, as you say. But if you live on a ranch or work at home in a super-casual town (as I do) a complete wardrobe of the classics is both impractical and uncomfortable. 
  
  So, that said, I agree completely with your list of "left-behinds." I never wore a lot of those anyway, or was tempted to, which perhaps makes it easier for me to say this. (My style always skewed classic/ conservative vs. wild...so in some ways my journey has been the opposite -- learning to incorporate trendy cuts and items but the right ones, not the ones that will make me look idiotic.)
  
  I also agree with your list of things you can still easily do -- for you, your body, your face, your life, these are all absolutely great. 
  
  And I agree that the classics work, and blending them in, as you've recently been doing in some posts, is a really great option. 
  
  Now, to the "maybe" list: 
  
  Camo chic
  
  You can definitely incorporate camo. Just one article of clothing at a time. And maybe in a softer colorway. See Deborah's recent camo pants. 
  
  Graphic tees
  
  Totally do-able for your lifestyle. Especially if you throw a jacket over top. Obviously, the particular graphic matters. I would avoid some and embrace others. 
  
  Skinny, skinny jeans especially in light colors (pastel, white, cream)
  
  You have the body for it and can do it if you are comfortable. Maybe you'd want more coverage in a longer top, but in your case this is not required. 
  
  
  White moto vest -- unless I can find one I can afford in real leather
  
  Totally wearable. Oh, and while you're at it, would you please pick one up for me as well? 
  
  
  Backpacks (breaks my heart)
  
  I say you can wear 'em if you want to and they are sophisticated enough. 
  
  Graphic sweaters and sweatshirts that are “cute”
  
  I am on the fence on this one, too. I have a real yen for such items sometimes and recently ordered a silk blouse that might fall into that category. (oops!) In fact, I think for a casual life you can get away with it. Of course, there is "cute" and there is "cute." Some cute being too cute for words. 
  
  Very Boho looks
  
  You posted a bootcuts and (I think) velvet jacket look a while back that is still one of my favourite outfits of yours, ever. But I do see the issue with this. I think I would be wary and would keep away from full-on boho. 
  
  Very rock & roll looks
  
  Again, I think it's a question of mixing elements into an outfit but not going full on. Your innate taste will determine the right amount. 
  
  All-black outfits
  
  Yeah. Hear you on this one. I am edging away from these, too. But once in a while, can't stop myself. 
  
  Distressed tees and “neckstrap” tees
  
  Yeah...probably not. 
  
  Open back tops
  
  Less sure on this. Might depend on the particular back and the overall style. An open back T worn with distressed jeans, not so great. An open back cocktail dress seems different. It's about not freaking out the expectations of the viewer when you turn around. 
  
  Beanies
  
  Well, why not? You look adorable in one. But if too trendy, leave behind. 
  
  Statement necklaces that put too much focus on my (ehem) neck
  
  Yeah. Maybe not so much if you don't like your neck. 
  
  Arm party
  
  Seems okay if arms are good!.
  
  Those are my thoughts, for what they are worth. 
• Jamie replied 11 years ago
  I'm following this one closely as I worry that sometimes I still don't get it right for my age.  Case in point - on Saturday evening, my husband and I went out for a casual dinner with some friends, and I wore white jeans, a silk blouse, a clutch, and my new white Hi-ness Converses.  The first comment out of my girlfriend's mouth was that the shoes were "just not me!"  And then she had to repeat it a few times for unkind emphasis.  I brushed it off, but it really hurt my feelings.  I got to thinking - I love the shoes, and I do feel a little "not me" in them, but I chalk it up to trying something new.  Every time I try something new, I feel a little uncomfortable until I adjust to it.  But how do you know if the item or look is really not you or is not age appropriate?  I admire your list, Denise, and I'm looking forward to learning how this evolves for you.
• Deborah replied 11 years ago
  I love that you have really taken the time to think this through.  At 47, not a day goes by  when the issue of age appropriate dressing doesn't pop into my thoughts.
  
  in your list of Looks that I left behind a while ago, I agree with everything here however, I do think you could "appropriately" wear shorts with tights:)
  
  Next category :
  
  Camo chic
  yes, but maybe in a more subtle tones
  
  Graphic tees
  yes, but be selective about the "graphics"
  
  Skinny, skinny jeans especially in light colors (pastel, white, cream)
  I see these as a significant part of your style signature
  
  White moto vest -- unless I can find one I can afford in real leather
  why not, you would wear it well
  
  Backpacks (breaks my heart)
  hmmm, never been a fan but they do read as juvenile to me as opposed to grown up style.
  
  Graphic sweaters and sweatshirts that are “cute”
  i think cute is for 20 something's.  it's a matter of what you want to communicate about yourself.
  
  Very Boho looks
  Agreed.  IMHO this can actually be an aging look as we get older.  I think if Darma's mother in Darma's & Greg!
  
  Very rock & roll looks
  i think you can carry this off with real style 
  
  All-black outfits
  Love! at any age.  If you feel the need to soften them perhaps look at accessories?
  
  Distressed tees and “neckstrap” tees
  Not sure
  
  Open back tops
  Depends.  Some can be quite tasteful, some not.
  
  Beanies
  have you seen Odyssey rock hers?  I say wear.
  
  Statement necklaces that put too much focus on my (ehem) neck
  Still fine IMHO.
  
  Arm party
  Again depends on how the total outfit is put together.
  
  and I totally agree with your final three categories.
  
  Denise this shows such great personal insight into your style. May I use this as my template?  I think this is such a worthwhile exercise.
  
  
  
• Transcona Shannon replied 11 years ago
  Denise - this is a FANTASTIC post! As someone who just turned 50 in February, I have been having some of these same discussions in my head in relation to my own style.
  
  I think Suz's reply mimics my own thoughts perfectly and is written so much more eloquently than I could have done so I will just say "what Suz said" and leave it at that!
  
  And for the record, you are GORGEOUS at any age :)
• Vix replied 11 years ago
  Hi and happy advance birthday, Cocolion--
  
  Lots of great insights from you and members, but really "ditto" to what RoseandJean up in the very first reply.
  
  Since I'm a not particulary-trendy mid-40s I'll share what my uber-trendy 70+ year old friend (“my dress of choice is so young that I look like a contrast of opposites…a grape and a prune”) says: 
  
  -- carefully pick how much skin to show (less is often more)
  -- if you wore it the first time around, don't wear it like that the second/third/etc time around
  -- a more expensive item with all the trendy stuff helps ground
  
  I believe those are her only personal rules. Though I often wish she'd dial back on fast fashion, friends are about the only thing Lily tolerates for longer than a season. She's ok with looking VERY different from the environmental norm in general, and definitely different than most women her age--and she gets compliments from random people all the time who appreciate her sense of style. 
  
  I know you'll continue to adapt and refine--looking forward to those explorations!
• texstyle replied 11 years ago
  I do think about this pretty often. Mostly when shopping for things I like and trying to make sure I'm NOT shopping too young. I forget my age most of the time. Until I'm talking with young people and I realize how long ago I felt the way many of them do. Or until I have to dress for a special occasion and I don't want to be out of touch.
  
  I think it is always a good idea to check ourselves. Like your comment about necklaces - I can definitely relate to that. My neck hasn't faired as well as my face because I wasn't as careful all those years about protecting it from the sun and aging just impacts us in places like that more than others. Now I'm wondering if I ordered the wrong necklace for my new black dress. lol. 
  
  I think your lists are very sound - I do think you can wear some skinnies but I agree that the super tight look may not be as acceptable. I've turned to slim fit instead of tight fit. I feel they are more comfortable and seem to suit my style better these days.
  
  Regarding hats, I bought a "Fedora" straw hat last spring and never wore it. It felt too "costumey" on me. But I think in the right setting (by the pool or at the beach) it still might work. I still wear a cap when I walk and a big sun hat out in the garden if it's not too windy. And always a straw hat at the pool (I have several different styles).
  
  I've never really worn camo but living where I do, it is very common - but not for fashion -- for hunting purposes. So for me, I skip that trend. I even feel a  bit odd in my olive green utility jacket. Like I'm fitting in where I'm not sure I want to from a fashion standpoint. lol. 
  
  I bought a couple of super bright "neon" colors recently but I do wonder if they are best for me. I think I can get away with a neon top in the right outfit - esp. in summer. I did get some odd looks from a few elderly gentlemen at the store  in that coral neon tee. Maybe neon is the new body con for those of us over 50! Just kidding.
  
  Graphic tees have always been "tricky" to me. They often seem to have a message or story and I'm not so big on wearing a message.  The two somewhat graphic tees I own I don't tend to reach for.
  
  Funny story:
  The other day when grocery shopping, DH nods his head towards a woman with one of those "Can you believe it?" looks on his face. I look over and here is a woman, must have been mid to late 70's, with a white perm that almost looked like a wig but I don't think so looking at the roots. Very DARK tan skin, white frosted lipstick. Very dark eye makeup and red cheeks. Black hot pants with sheer dark hose. High platform shoes, dark leather top, studded wrist band, etc. And this is in a rural town with a population of under 15,000. She was definitely going for the "rocker" grandmother look. Or maybe she was dressed for some event. Either way,  it was a total fashion fail but it did get plenty of attention.
  
  Isn't this our worst nightmare? To be seen as something of a joke out in public? And that is true at pretty much any age after  about 18 I guess.
  
• Angie replied 11 years ago
  I'm with Jules. I also trust your age appropriate style judgement implicitly. I love how fashionable and trendy you are - AND that you address the age appropriate question along the way. It's one of the reasons you have killer style. If we could all wear everything, the concept of style would not exist.
  
  I am in 99% agreement with your "left-behind items" because I think you will rock a flirty skirt that is not a mini :)
  
  As for the question marks, you can wear them all Denise, when you add sophistication to the look. You of all people will successful pull off these items at 55. I have all the confidence in the world in you. It's all in the HOW and not in the what. Furthermore, context is key. Some things work better in certain settings.
  
  And you will still have to convince me about not being able to wear sassy sneaks and oxfords!
  
• Isis replied 11 years ago
  Cool thoughts, Denise!  I agree with all the others that you can pull off every single one of your "questionable" items.  I have NEVER seen an outfit from you that crosses the line; you have an impeccable sense of style!
  
• replied 11 years ago
  Denise, I have similar conversations with myself all the time.  I live in a very casual, very young town and I don't have a traditional job or children to embarrass, ha.  Sometimes I wonder where to draw my line in the shifting sands of fashion.
  
  You, though, always get it right, and you're someone I look to for inspiration.  Trust your instincts.  You will always be the coolest girl in school to me!
• catgirl replied 11 years ago
  I trust your judgment so much, Denise, and I follow you closely as I'm not that far behind.  I agree with everything you've listed, although some are irrelevant in my climate anyway.  Also, I think personality comes into play here - there are some items I would not have worn at any age, and some I will wear until my last day no matter what.  As you said, quality and execution become more of a factor, but otherwise I think the world is your oyster.  Like fashion rules becoming less strict, age rules seem to have changed as well and groundbreakers like you are a part of that.
• rae replied 11 years ago
  Such a fab thread, and so clearly written. I don't have the time to read the entire thread, but my thought on your question mark items is that you can totally make them work! Camo would look fab in a luxe fabrication or very classic cut - silk camo pants/blouse/jacket? Camo one-button blazer? A backpack would look FAB in non-distressed leather and probably be nicer on your back than a regular purse. A white moto vest seems like a non-issue to me. This will work no matter what! I do think you can wear beanies, too. 
  
  As for saccharine sweet/cute tops and sweatshirts and too boho and rock looks... I more think those don't work because they aren't you. You aren't cutesie, and though you have boho and rock influences, I don't think either style defines you. For me, this isn't an age issue.
• Gaylene replied 11 years ago
  By the time a woman reaches her mid 50s and early 60s, I think, to be stylish, a woman needs to make peace with her body's shape and spend the time to figure out a way to dress in a way that flatters her and makes her feel happy. In other words, I like to see an older woman who owns her style; someone whose clothes make me focus on her as opposed to the trendiness of the particular pieces she is wearing. 
  
  A nod to a trend is fine, but, to my eye, ought to be approached with a high degree of caution as one ages. The line between daring and just looking weird gets finer as one gets older. If you've always worn moto jackets and Cons, you can probably continue wearing their variations for the rest of your life, but starting to wear them in your mid sixties can be dangerous ground. 
• Mo replied 11 years ago
  I want to be you when I grow up!  Really.  I totally agree that 'over 40' is not a fair blanket fashion category at all.  I'm a little over a decade behind you, but living very similar lifestyles, understand how the appropriateness is a tricky thing.  Business wear is pretty cut and dry, really.  But casual, rural, living, while doing restaurant work, not so much.  I think you do a fabulous job of mixing trends with your own sophisticated style and pull it off every time.
• Firecracker (Sharan) replied 11 years ago
  I'm reading with interest, because I, too, turn 55 this summer! I'm encouraged that you are my age, because I so admire your style.
  
  There is a lot of good advice here already. Looking through your list of looks you left behind a while ago, I thought, Gee, I have a body-con short dress that has frills! I was thinking about wearing it today for the Breakfast at Tiffany's challenge. It's not what I would call "cute," though, and the frills, which are all-over ruffles that are part of the fabric (kind of Tadashi-style) and camouflaged with an abstract burnished gold print over the black background, tend to tone down the body-con effect. So personally, I'm hesitant to rule out some categories of items. I'd rather try to avoid certain overall effects--but that's a harder concept to encapsulate.
  There are backpacks, and then there are backpacks. Check out these, which I think would look fashionable on a woman who had a decade or two or three on us: http://www.marcytilton.com/ite.....38;cid=107
  
  Thanks for starting this thoughtful thread, and here's to a fabulous 55 celebration!
  
  
  
  
• Laura replied 11 years ago
  Happy birthday, Denise! I would like to know if you want to leave these items/looks behind, or if you feel you must because of age. I think you look incredible and do not necessarily have to give up any of your "questionable" items due to age. But because you feel different and you want to change? That's completely different, in my way of thinking.
• Rambling Ann replied 11 years ago
  Lauren Hutton last month is an inspiration for my future, since fifty begins this year and she's turning 70.
  
  http://afemmeduncertainage.blo.....t-iii.html
  
  leather moto, skinny jeans, snazzy sneaks.
  
  I want to be her when I grow up
• Jonesy replied 11 years ago
  I pretty much agree with Rae. I don't think you need to box yourself in too much related to your age, or fret too much about if what you are wearing is "age-appropriate." You have fabulous style and great instincts!
  
  Love those pics of Lauren Hutton, Rambling Ann!
  
• nancylee replied 11 years ago
  This is a great post, Denise.  This is an issue we all wonder about...and need to discuss.  At 51, I'm right there with you, weighing and deciding what is still ok and what isn't.
  
  I do believe that your gut instincts and feeling of personal comfort should be your guiding lights, rather than some arbitrary list someone else draws up about the perfect "over 40" wardrobe.  Plus, your lifestyle has a big influence on what you wear.  Since your look skews more casual, I think  you can continue wearing many of the "maybe/questionable" items on your list....maybe with some modifications, as others suggested.
  
  
  
• DonnaF replied 11 years ago
  Ooops!  I turn 60 next month, and I probably don't think about age appropriateness enough, just as I never thought about whether something was on trend before YLF.  Truth be told, I don't think I ever wore the looks you left behind or even your Maybes. 
  
  Are *Women of a Certain Age* expected to be somewhat INVISIBLE?  Last year, I bought loud blue suede booties, and last week I bought silver mirror oxfords.  Both items are classic styles but admittedly attention-getters.  Same with my penchant for zebra stripes and dalmation dots.  Too young?
  
  And then, there's the admonition to look more sophisticated and elegant.  Maybe it's my Japanese heritage and very round face, but it's all I can do to veer away from looking cute; elegance and sophistication are pretty much beyond my reach.  How do other people do it?   
  
• rachylou replied 11 years ago
  Good post, Denise. It's interesting, now that I'm over 40+, *I* am bothered by the idea of wearing childish things. Actively. Bows, ruffles, shorter skirts, and pink simply turn my stomach. I don't know what they'd do to other people, should I wear them, but I'd be nauseating myself. I don't want children to tell me my clothes are cool; I want my clothes to make them call me "m'am"!
  
  Ok. I'm trying to see if I can come up with a test for styles. I'm thinking right now... any given style needs to:
  
  • Communicate my age group accurately
  • Communicate my level of command / level of responsibility accurately
    
  • Not interfere with my dignity
  to pass the test.
  
  
• RunningSue replied 11 years ago
  Rachylou, I like your short, concise style test.  For me, I am looking to present myself to the world at large in a way that says here is a sophisticated active 52 year old Mom who is proud of who she is, where she is in life and satisfied/happy with her circumstance.
  
  There are tons of cute clothes that look great on my 12 year old daughter or on my 19 year old baby sitter or the college students down the street.  Not for me.
  
  I see great stylish women when I shop at Nordstrom downtown or Bellevue Square but not necessarily at the school playground.  Seattle is not a fashion mecca, fleece and dansko rule.  However, I am from NYC and have always loved looking stylish.
  
  What I have found is that I need to shop a bit higher end to achieve more of a sophisticated look.  I have posted a few WIWs that are outfits that I really love and feel great in.  And they can be worn by someone younger or older than me.  Better cuts, a more mature take on a trend, better fabrication looks better on a more mature individual.  When I wear clothes from lower end retailers, they do not fit as well, look as good and I worry that I will see someone much younger wearing the same thing.
  
  Denise, I love your pinterest board because you put things on there that you like knowing that some won't be in your closet, like the bare mid-riff.  We can wear most of them with some minor tweaks (i.e. no holes in our denim, no low cut tops)  But we should continue to wear our colored skinny jeans, our denim jackets, our booties, our camo and everything that makes us happy.
  
  I am glad so many of us are chiming in with our opinions.  This is an invaluable thread and one that gives us food for thought.
  
• Mia replied 11 years ago
  This is a great thread Denise, and as someone who joined the 55+ group recently of great interest.  I have been finding myself in a bit of a reevaluation  phase lately myself.  
  
  I have always had a fairly classic style so many of the things I wore as a young woman like blazers always work.  I do find myself increasingly feeling challenged in finding the sweet spot between "youthful vibe" and "trying too hard" which is where I don't want to be.  My "fashion spirit animals" like Ines de la Fressange help me judge what might work at this stage of life and the YLF site is a great help too.
  
  Two trends I notice for myself.  Quality of items seems to be more important although a high/low look is often the way to get a more stylish "I know what's going on" outfit.  Secondly, I find myself adding a little more "edge" than ever to keep it fresh.  I ask my harshest critic (teenage son) for a disaster check sometimes but I dress more for myself  now and care less what others think.
  
  
  
• goldenpig replied 11 years ago
  Denise, you have wonderful style and can pull off all of the maybe looks if you want to...you have the figure, sophistication and coolness to do anything!
  
  I'm thinking about my mom's style...I feel like she dresses too "young" for her age, but I think it's more that she wears things just a little too tight and she loves trendy items and a lot of bling. I don't think those things apply in your case. Keep rocking on!
  
• Beth Ann replied 11 years ago
  While you have a casual west coast trendiness, you are never owned by what you wear, and, from what I'm been able to glean, your clothes are accurately representing "you" to the world.  Editing for many factors, including age, is always helpful, but I'd encourage you to follow the Pirate Code --- make them more like guidelines than rules!
  
• Parsley replied 11 years ago
  I'm so glad you started this conversation, Denise!
  Let me start by saying that you have excellent instincts and look unerringly fabulous, so whatever you're doing, keep it up!
  
  I understand completely the concern about age-appropriateness. I also find it really tricky, especially with a casual lifestyle. I'll be 60 this year, and sometimes I fear I'm walking a fine line between young-at-heart and ridiculous. 
  
  I'm completely in agreement on your list of things you've left behind. Most of those can be summarized in my mind by "overly revealing", with the exception of the Uggs with skinnies, and that is more of a style issue than an age issue, IMO.
  
  The "big question mark" items are trickier, and I think the answer is to use moderation and consider your context. This is where your excellent judgment comes into play, and I haven't seen you go wrong. It helps a lot that you have a slim, youthful figure. I'm not so slim, so I have to be a little more careful.
  But I think you can wear the items you're questioning, but less extreme versions of those styles will probably look the best.
  
  Camo? Graphic tees?- Sure! Why not? I have a subdued camo tee that I wear with a jacket, and I don't think it's too crazy. Joy looks fabulous in her graphic tee with a blazer.
  
  Boho? I wouldn't recommend a full-on aging hippie look ;-), but something like a peasant top with white jeans and sandals could look terrific!
  
  Open back tops? Maybe worn over a camisole, or a more slightly dipped back neckline.
  
  Statement necklaces and bracelets? Go for it!
  I hear you about the neck issues, but I'm mostly ignoring mine. I'm finding that I'm feeling more comfortable not baring too much of my upper arms these days, which is sad, and a pain in hot weather, but with a little creativity it's manageable, and some fun bracelets might just call attention down to my forearms, which still look fine.
  
  I think your introspection about what works is healthy and is part of what makes your style great and not over-the-top. Know that you're not alone in trying to figure it out. We're bound to make some questionable calls from time to time, but personally I'd rather do that than to play it totally boring and safe.
  
  There's no age limit to having fun with fashion!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Aziraphale replied 11 years ago
  Denise, first of all, thank you for this post!  I enjoyed reading it.  You are a style inspiration, and I think you will "get it right" regardless of our input.  Having said that, I think your questions are real and relevant, and while there may not be a cut-and-dried answer to every one, I'll offer what input I can (which basically means my personal opinions, which are of course subjective).
  
  I'll start by saying that I agree with all the stuff you've already "left behind a while ago".  That's all stuff I've left behind too, and I'm 40.  (That is, if I wore it at all in the first place).
  
  As for the question marks, I think you can wear the following at any age, if you get the details right: camo, graphic tees, white moto vests, rock n' roll, statement necklaces (nothing wrong with a neck that has creases), and all-black outfits (if they are classy).  I'm not sure about boho -- at a certain age, the risk of looking too "bag lady" increases.  If by "beanies" you mean toques/ski hats, I think the answer is maybe.  Skinny jeans?  Well, you have the bod for it.  But IKWYM, it might look too juvenile if they are ridiculously tight.  Not sure what neckstrap tees and arm parties are, so can't offer my opinion there.  :-)
  
  As for the looks you're leaving behind because you don't like the way they look on you -- well, I think a lot of women of any age might agree.  Flats with midi skirts is a tough look to pull off for most of us.  I think a woman of any age can wear Cons, though, if they were part of her style all along.
  
• Ginkgo replied 11 years ago
  Yes, at age 59, I know what you mean.  It's not the number or the decade or half-decade, it's suddenly seeing more aging in my face over just a couple of months.  That happened to me a couple of years ago and made me feel that I had crossed another line (ignore the pun).  Even though I'm just a few years older than Suz and MaryK and some others, I feel that I crossed some invisible line in age from them.  I can't even define right now any item of clothing they wear that I wouldn't, but somehow I feel that there's a barrier behind me.  It's not the number, it's my reflection in the mirror.
  
  You know best for yourself what you want to wear, but I also think you can still wear a lot of the items you mentioned, because your looks really are rocker chick, you're authentic in your style.  In contrast, I'm cursed with conservative looks and could not pull it off in my 20s.  Especially as items like camo and graphic tees become more mainstream, they're easier to wear.  I love Joy in her graphic tee with a blazer and have been looking around for one myself.  As long as not too revealing or tight or holes, you'll  be fine.
• rachylou replied 11 years ago
  I have been considering the question mark list. These are my thoughts:
  
  Camo chic - Would be good on a clutch, like I saw in Lucky, bad on ankle strap flats (which are toddler shoes).
  Graphic tees - Eh. Well I wear them to the bakery, but there's not much other opportunity for expression thru clothing there. I don't wear them otherwise. Searching for your identity is for children.
  Skinny, skinny jeans especially in light colors (pastel, white, cream) - It's the stick leg thing, so I agree. I don't think it looks good on young people either, but they have some baby fat to counteract a bit. Over 25, everybody just looks like a scrawny old man.
  White moto vest -- unless I can find one I can afford in real leather - I think you could, but I see the point. You're beyond the experimental stage when it comes to a white moto vest.
  Backpacks (breaks my heart) - Ok, but when you are 70 you can start carrying them again. My mom has taken them up and looks so cute!
  Graphic sweaters and sweatshirts that are “cute” - Ya. Enuf said.
  Very Boho looks - I agree. Things get too droopy with extreme boho.
  Very rock & roll looks - The rock n' roll needs to be infused with elegance. I think that's what David Bowie did and it's worked extremely well. He has aged gracefully whereas Mick Jagger has not, IMO.
  All-black outfits - I think this would be OK actually, unless it washes you out.
  Distressed tees and “neckstrap” tees - Only kiddies mess up their clothes. Yep.
  Open back tops - For evening wear, I think it would be ok. Otherwise, yes, only kiddies mess up their clothes.
  Beanies - Well, I think they're necessary for warmth.
  Statement necklaces that put too much focus on my (ehem) neck - I don't know that this is an age thing. I think you are personally modern and sleek and short necklaces around the neck are shrimpifying for your look. But you could go baroque once in a while for fun.
  Arm party - Don't know what this is...?
  
  
  haha. Me, myself and I in the peanut gallery...
  
• Mia replied 11 years ago
  Arm party is bunch of stacked bracelets right?  I use this to distract from the neck.  I totally hear you on the neck issue.  Seemed to happen overnight....
  I once heard someone say "show what you have left" which is interesting approach. 
  
  More scarves Mr. Sulu (spelling?)  is my counter on the neck thingy.
  
  
  
  
• Aida replied 11 years ago
  Denise, I'm with Angie on the questionable items. You have amazing style instincts! It's not like you're going to pair all of them together at once, and all of these would look especially fab when paired with sophisticated items. I'm also thinking that this list includes some things that you've moved on from, style wise.
  
  However there's plenty on that list that I'm positive you would totally rock in the most appropriate way:
  • camo (a little goes a long way, especially in an unexpected item)
  • white moto vest (I don't see how this is a question, it seems totally you)
  • backpacks (a luxe backpack sounds right up your alley)
  • very boho looks (though this could be tempered to include just one or two boho items if it feels uncomfortable)
  • very rock & roll looks (your R&R looks are always incredibly sophisticated, I don't see this as an issue at all; could also be tempered by mixing in more classics if necessary)
  • distressed tees (pair with elegant pants/shoes!)
  • open-back tops (situational but I have a hunch you'd rock these, maybe with small back openings so it's an elegant peek?)
  • beanies (cute for all ages IMO, but you could switch to a slouchy half-beret-half-beanie)
  • arm party (luxe materials would give you a very posh eclectic vibe)
  Also, happy early birthday :}
• CocoLion replied 11 years ago
  First on my mind -- I want to thank those of you who said you trust my judgement and style instincts to figure out this age + fashion equation! I'm going to call you out:  RoseandJoan, Diane G, Vix, Suz, Angie, Isis, Alicat, Alaskagirl, Rae, Mo, Firecracker (cool backpack!) and that's just the first page, I haven't fully digested the second page of comments yet.  I will comment on those next.
  
  So, for page 1:
  
  I like the way Peri put it -- that it used to just be, do I like it, and does it look good on me.  Now it's also:  am I allowed to wear this?  How will I be seen, how will I be judged?  Will I be seen as too keen to follow a trend, not strong enough for someone my age (as Vildy so eloquently put it)?  At heart, this is a fairly loaded topic that gets into all sorts of questions about age.  I couldn't agree with Bette Davis more:  aging is not for sissies.
  
  I also wanted to thank those of you who pointed out that some of my areas of doubt may be a style evolution.  (Diane G, LynD, Janet, Rae).  Something to think about.
  
  Suze an Deborah, thanks for the solutions to my question marks -- I guess I don't have to give up on graphic or logo or attitude tees just yet.  Or camo.
  
  Jenanded -- thanks for the nice comment, so appreciated.  I will now be on the hunt for a camo scarf!
  
  Sarah -- the cute fashion sweatshirt question is this.  I love those Wildfox Couture big sloppy sweaters and sweatshirts with big bows or stars on them.  That's what I think I'm too old for.  (So Rae there are some cute things I like, if they are RATE enough.)
  
  Vix -- couldn't agree more about fast fashion, it is dangerous ground for me.
  
  Tex -- Your story was hilarious.  I used to see women like that when I lived in LA, I figured they were looking for attention.
  
  Gaylene and Vildy -- your comments make me think I am on the right track in being more trend restrictive.  Thanks for the honesty.
  
  Jamie -- I think your outfit sounds fabulous!  And you are young, you need to remind your friend that she is too.
  
  Laura -- you bring up an interesting question.  Some things I feel ready to let go of.  Other things I feel I must.  A skinny jean, yes it's part of my signature style.  But when it's white or light, I feel like every curve of my backside or thigh is visible, and I fear it is immodest for someone my age. (So those cream skinnies are probably going back.)
  
  Shevia and Firecracker -- I wore really short skirts up until age 50.  I am short, short skirts look good on me.  I just gave them up prior to YLF.  I would still wear them at a beach resort though.  As Angie said, context matters.
  
  Now off to digest page 2...
  
  
  
• CocoLion replied 11 years ago
  Aida and Rachylou -- thank you for the solutions -- and humor.
  
  Aida -- a luxe backpack and white moto vest are on my wishlist now!  I wish I wouldn't look so silly pulling out my old nylon Prada backpack from the 90s.  :-)
  
  Gingko -- it's when I catch a glance of myself sideways that I think (sagging face, anyone), the face and body/clothing need to match now!  That is where so much of my introspection comes from.
  
  Aziraphale -- to tell the truth I might continue to wear the beanies when it's cold, as you said.  But as a fashion statement, maybe not.  Again context matters.A beanie in the mountains, yes.  At a nightclub in LA (as if I would even be there), no.  Here is the neck strap tee I am so oddly attracted to:  http://www.revolveclothing.com.....um=affilia
• CocoLion replied 11 years ago
  Jonesy -- I like your "don't worry" attitude!  And thanks for having faith in my style.
  
  Parsley -- I'm so glad I heard from you.  You are one of my icons here on YLF.  You have fabulous style and great taste in what you acquire.
  
  Beth Ann -- I deeply appreciate your comment perhaps more than you would know.
  
  (Never heard of the pirate code!  Lol.)
  
  GP Natalie -- thank you for your kind words.  It is interesting how you react to your Mother's style.  My own Mother has been non-fashion for decades due to her weight, which always made me sad.  At least your Mom sounds like she's enjoying fashion.
• Vix replied 11 years ago
  Hi again Coco--
  
  Your "face and clothes need to match feeling" is definitely one you need to either embrace or love subverting. ;)
  
  Personally I understand the discomfort that can occur but the Gilded Lily goes for the former. In fact a few weeks ago we were meeting up in a specific spot and I saw a woman with long wavy blond hair, great posture, skinny jeans, tunic, jewelry, and flats and thought -- there she is! I went over and it was a woman in her 30s that I knew, ha/whoops! 
  
  A few minutes later here comes TGL, with straightened grey-blonde hair and heels but much the same silhouette. Man, did she enjoy hearing my little mix-up story....
  
  Expressing who we are (in any area of life) comes with external judgement that may carry a price, but also an internal freedom that's priceless.
• Laura replied 11 years ago
  Denise, I love that you are ready to let some things go. That is such a positive and healthy instinct - We need to move forward at every age! Out with the old, in with the new. Happy birthday to you :)
• replied 11 years ago
  Denise, you have great taste. Keep on doing what you are doing. You can wear all of your questionables, I think the trick is to make the look come off as "expensive". I have abandoned lots of things and I'm 38. It is not about age, I don't think. Maybe you are growing past trendy to something else, which I see happening a lot here.
• DeniseP replied 11 years ago

  Wanted to put my two cents in about "age-appropriate" fashion, since I just turned sixty-two.
  I've also discovered there's a BIG difference between sixty and sixty-two! I love bracelets and --all of a sudden-- after trying one on last week, there is some prominent wrinkling on my bony forearm! Whaaaa?
  This aging stuff is definitely not for sissies... Every month, it seems there's a new area that I need to shift my focus away from. So what's left? The whole process tends to make me skittish, b/c I will buy something that looks okay, and then have doubts later. Like, what were you thinking? You're not forty years old anymore, you're not even sixty!
  Example: Just got a pair of RLauren straight jeans in cream to wear this spring; then read your comment about how light colored jeans show too many flaws. So now I'm wondering if these new jeans are inappropriate? I just don't know anymore. When younger, I never even thought about such minutia.
  You have such good fashion judgement Denise. (They are not skinny jeans, but pretty tight! But I always wear a longer tee or blouse to cover hip/groin area.)
  I've made peace with my aging body shape except for the facial lines that get more pronounced every month. I may be SYC for awhile and shop plastic surgery instead! ha!

• Isabel replied 11 years ago
  What a fab post and following posts by Fabbers !  I have really enjoyed this. This is something that I have been contemplating quite a bit because I will be 50 next year and I am getting less stuffy and conservative since being on YLF.  
  
  With that said, Denise, I think that defining what is appropriate encompasses so much more than age. I love Rambling Ann'e post.  And like others have said, it includes how we put ourselves together overall. How our bodies look, how our hair looks ( coloring ) , how our skin looks, what we do and so on. You look amazing. I honestly thought you were in your very early 40s.  
  
  I agree with some of the things that you wrote, but maybe it won't matter or you can tweak a bit. Like the skinny jeans.
  
  Anyway, thank you for throwing this out there and sharing it with us.  
• Ornella replied 11 years ago
  Just reading and taking in. As someone who is undoubtedly at the other end of the trend spectrum I live vicariously though your ability to unmistakably pick the trends that will reflect you and wear them without a single indication that anything is ever inapropriate in any way. If it's of any relevance, there is 14.5 years between us and you are the trendy one - so much about trend-y being reserved for 'younger' population. Be proud firstly because you know your likes and dislikes; the lucky coincidence is your likes overlap to a great extent with what's new and fresh in terms of fashion, so you come across as much in tune with modern times as as with your age. Your looks are never labored, but very pleasant on the eye.
  
  FWIW, before finding out the number I had you placed in mid-40s. If I saw the close-up, perhaps I'd  be closer to your actual age, but I don't really care. Would I really think difefrently about an outfit if I thought you were 35 or 55? No. The point I'm trying to make is that whatever you wear, it always looks and feels you. It doesn't send the wrong message of any kind and reflects you the way you come across in your posts. And that's simply it. The fact you have a list of what you've left behind is probably a mix of both - things just not being right for what you feel is your age appropriate and your style and tastes evolving.
  
  After all, check Advanced Style and every concern about too much of this or that at any age really is out of place IF the wearer can carry it. 
  
  p.s.
  Btw, I don't want to hijack the thread, but what happened with Picture Perfect Challenge entries from you?
• Debbie replied 11 years ago
  I have started to reply to this several times and feel like my reply is not making sense so I delete it.  At almost 59 this question is coming up more often in my own mind. Things like short skirts and shorts I left behind a long time ago. More because my legs have not aged well. A flirty skirt I would wear in a heartbeat at the right length. You have great instincts and you ALWAYS look apporpiate to me.
  We all also have different feelings on aging. Society as a whole puts a lot of emphasis on aging. I too catch glimspes of myself somedays and think that can't possibly be me. My image of myself sometimes does not match up with what I actually see.
  As far as the things you might give up. Maybe as suggested refinement can save the things you really love. I absolutely love a arm party some days more than others and it something I don't see changing but I have seen a change in the bracelets I buy. I am far more picky about it than I use to be.  Like you calling attention to my neck is not something I want to do but I recently bought a necklace that holds some meaning to me and I am enjoying wearing it. Sometimes I think our style perferences change and we evolve.
  Happy early birthday and you will look fabulous as always!
• Joy replied 11 years ago

  Ack! Just lost a long reply. I've been reading this thread with interest but don't know where to begin. I'll try later after dinner.

• replied 11 years ago
  This photo always makes me smile. I'm 32 and while I'd never wear what this woman is wearing, to me she looks age-inappropriate and confident and happy and like she doesn't care what others think. I hope to get to that place someday, rollerblades optional. 
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• Vicki replied 11 years ago
  Denise, you have clearly done some soul-searching and with that there is a certain confidence in you refining your style as the years progress.  I have complete confidence in you, because you pay attention to the details.
  
  Jules expressed it so well and I echo her comments.  Your list is so comprehensive and will certainly help others find their way.  Thanks, big time!
• Sveta replied 11 years ago
  It is hard to compete with so many thoughtful and thought through replies so I won't even try :-) I really can just repeat what others said and that won't be interesting to read.
  For myself when I think about age inappropriate dressing for a woman 'of a certain age'  the main criteria is this: is she trying to desperately cling to her youth and dress this way because she thinks it makes her look younger? If the answer is 'yes' then this is age-inappropriate for me. All things from your "leave behind" list fall into this category for me so I completely agree.
  You have a great style which is very unique and feels completely you. It never crossed my mind seeing your WIW that anything you wear is too young. As Angie said it is not WHAT but HOW you wear that matters.
  Like Mo I want to be you when I grow up and look as stylish and cool as you are at 55!
  
  
• ElleH replied 11 years ago

  Denise I have only just now had time to fully ready our post & a lot of the comments but stopped after a while because they were all saying what I would say. You seem to already know what you're doing. You always look stylish & age appropriate. I agree with the items you're leaving behind. I don't need to repeat everything else that has been said but wanted to comment that you're one very stylish lady.